Looking For Love In LA

 

 

      My Mom is in town.. which puts a serious crimp in my plans to meet my newest online dating interest.   From his profile I know he’s tall, handsome, a man’s man with a sense of adventure, and a soft romantic side! This one sounds pretty good.

      Mom thinks this whole online dating thing is crazy. Of course, my mother has always found flaws with every man I have ever been interested in, so when she started in...

      "Those men on those websites are all married.. they’ll tell you anything online because they’re only after one thing!"

      ...I just chalked it up to dear ol’ Mom being dear ol’ Mom. That is until we went to the movies Friday night!

       We saw "Burn After Reading" and I began to worry - maybe she's right!!! The movie centers around a couple of self-centered screw-ups. One of those screw-ups is into online dating. Every man she goes out with turns out to be married and living some kind of lie... using online dating to have affair after affair with unwitting women who buy their BS hook, line and sinker!

      OMG Gossip Girl!!!! Am I that screwed-up woman??? Is Mom right???? Halfway into the movie I started laughing so hard I was crying! The movie wasn’t that funny so it must have been hysterics kicking in over my new epiphany!!!

      I started thinking of the advice given to me by a friend recently. He told me that if a guy only emails and makes excuses for not meeting right away, the guy is either:

         1. Married...

         2. In a relationship...

         3. Hasn’t come out of the closet yet... or...

         4. Has an STD!

      Now, considering that I originally met this friend through a series of emails, I had to ask which category he fell into... I’m still waiting for that answer!

      But I’m not letting cynicism ruin the 'blissful ignorance' of my little love life! After all, I’ve met a new, interesting guy on that dating website plentyoffish.com. We talked for hours on the phone this past week and agreed he would call so we could meet in person over the weekend and see where things go. He’s just what I need to prove the internet dating sites aren’t full of liars and scoundrels!!!

      Friday: No phone call. No worries, he’s probably just busy with work. He’ll probably call me Saturday morning.

      Saturday: No phone call. Is that doubt creeping into the back of my mind or just my mother’s words coming back to haunt me?  No, no, no... it’s just me being paranoid after seeing that pathetic woman in that movie. He’ll probably call Sunday.

      Sunday: I called the phone company to see if my phone is working.

      No phone call all weekend!!!

      So now I’m left wondering... If he ever does call, would it be rude of me to ask:  "Which is it buster? Married or STD?!!!"

 

 

      OK time for this gal’s dry spell to come to an end! Things are down right parched for me over at Match.com, so I’m trying a new dating raindance!

       After a couple weeks of deep ‘contemplation’ (including a wild night at the Temecula Stampede and a fabulous weekend at the Miramonte Spa in Indian Wells – both excellent replacements for a date by the way) ...I have decided to take the advice of all of you and give speed dating a try! Now, I know it tied in the poll with "Truck Stops, Street Corners & Dark Alleys" – I guess if speed dating doesn’t work out I may have to consider learning to drive an 18-wheeler! That might not be so bad – Greg Evigan was pretty cute in BJ & THE BEAR!  I even started practicing my CB-speak:

   "Breaker... breaker.. this is "Lonely Girl"... any lonely boys got their ears on???  Come back!"

      But before it comes down to that, I’m gathering a group of single friends to go with me on the speed date – I’ll let you know how it goes. In the meantime I encourage all of you to do a little ‘contemplating’ of your own – let me just say the Marines hanging out at the Temecula Stampede are exceptionally good-looking!!!

XOXO<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3XOXO

      And congratulations to "Tawnyone4you", "Cimasyb", and "Vwmazlady" for winning the contest at www.luvemorleavem.com. Thanks for helping me in my little dating quest!

      If you’re not familiar with luvemorleavem.com check it out– you can help others with their relationship dilemmas or check out the luvemorleavem blog. This week's topic: Older Women & Younger Men!  Which, after my visit to the Stampede, I’m right there with ya’ ladies!!!  After all, if it was good enough for Barbara Stanwyck....

 

      Ok this is kinda cool.  The great folks over at www.luvemorleavem.com  have a new contest you may want to check out.   I'm flattered and honored that they based the contest on my love life!  Well.. I should say lack of love life right now!

   Here's how it works.  Go to luvemcontests.blogspot.com and help me decide how I should look for my next date.  If the luvemorleavem folks draw your entry, you win a free coffee mug.  Don't worry -- I'm sure it holds Cosmos too! 

    As I've told you before, the well is getting kind of dry at Match.com.  I'm now looking for a new place to find a date.  Some possibilities are posted in the poll on the right side of your screen.  And some of you think you're funny voting for "Truck Stops, Street Corners and Dark Alleys" -- I can tell you right now that's not happening!!!

   I'll make a decision on my next dating move next Friday.

    Good Luck! 

     Kat

      I've been blogging about a lot of my online dating disasters lately.. but here's an online love story that will give us all hope.  When you're done watching, send a few prayers to this great couple.

http://cbs2.com/video/?id=77632@kcbs.dayport.com

   Attention all men on all online dating sites!!!!   Please memorize the following definitions!!!!

   Keep a copy in your pocket... tape it to your forehead… tattoo it to the back of your hand!!!!

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) –

di·vorce /d?'v?rs, -'vo?rs/ Pronunciation Key[di-vawrs, -vohrs] noun, verb -vorced, -vorc·ing.

1. a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, esp. one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations.

sep·a·rate /v. 's?p ??re?t; adj., n. 's?p ?r ?t/ Pronunciation Key - [v. sep-uh-reyt] verb, -rat·ed

9. (of a married pair) to stop living together but without getting a divorce.

        So I finally had drinks with that guy I was so nervous about meeting.  His profile said he was divorced and looking for a serious relationship.   I should have listened to the “flake-meter” on this one!

 After several attempts at making our schedules mesh we finally met.   Great looking guy, a little shorter than me but that’s OK.  He seemed really nice and a little nervous… but so was I. 

 We meet for drinks and were chatting along when suddenly he mentioned he was “separated.”

 Uh.. Excuse me??????

 Seems if you put down "separated" on your online dating profile, you don’t get as many dates as you do by listing “divorced!”  Gee.. I wonder why???!!!!!  

 Bad idea Dude!  If you have to lie and cheat to get your foot in the door on a date.. what the heck else will you lie and cheat about?  Look, I get that relationships are complicated.  And divorces can be a mess.  But at least be honest.  

          Maybe it was my stunned reaction or maybe he just wasn’t into me.  Either way, he didn’t ask for a second date, which saved me from having to hit him over the head with the “You Got To Be Kidding Me” stick!

         Too bad… if he had actually been telling the truth from the beginning... I would have been a little smitten with him.

   OK folks the dating well is drying up!!!!

   My 6 month membership is about to run out on Match.com and the pool is getting kinda shallow there.

   I think it’s time to start fishing other waters. But I can’t decide if I should try another online dating site.  I’m thinking about giving speed dating a try– I doubt it works, but it looks like fun!!!

   I need some ideas!!!

   Help me out by answering the poll at the right of your screen. Or hit the "Comments" button below and tell me where I should look for a date!

      So the big date on Saturday.. didn’t happen.  It’s now been postponed and rescheduled. The flake-meter is still running on this one... may have to cut bait!

      The big question is just when do you cut a guy loose? I am terrible at this. I always want to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Then the answer hit me while watching The Dave Ramsey Show. Yes, while I was listening to ol’ Dave tell me to stop using my credit cards and get outta debt, I stumbled onto help for folks who just don’t know when to pull the plug.

   Dave was talking to stay-at-home moms about how they got out of debt.  One woman called in about a website she started from home called www.LuvemOrLeavem.com which has now become a booming home business for her.

   The idea of LuvemOrLeavem is simple. Women and men at a crossroads in their relationship post their dilemma and other people tell them if they should love ‘em or leave ‘em. It’s basically an open forum for relationship advice.   Hopefully the people who are responding to the problems have been in that situation themselves and can offer sound advice. It would really suck if you broke up with the love of your life based on the opinion of some crazy shut-in whose only relationships involve their computer mouse and the Sims!

   Here’s a few of the posts I found:

"my b/f of a year and a half never takes me out anymore. like he did as when we first started dating. now i am four months pregnant and i dont know what to think"

shorty89

Kat’s advice: Leave ‘em with the kid after you give birth – go out with your friends and find a better man!

"I have known this guys for over a year and a half, and after we were seeing each other for over 6 months I wanted the "girlfriend" title because I started to get insecure. He explained to me that he just got out of a 5 year relationship and he just wanted the "single" title. We had a long talk and we are only intimate with one another but he still doesn't want a girlfriend. Both my family and his family consider us boyfriend and girlfriend. My girl friends consider us together but my guy friends say I'm stupid and the reason he doesn't want the title is because he is not only with me.
What do you all think should I just leave things the way they are or do I have something to worry about?"

Cutie2000fl

Kat’s advice: Keep ‘em as a friend with benefits. And go find yourself a real boyfriend!

"We've been working out the details of this wedding, and I told my fiance that I wanted a boy/girl bridal shower so we can have couples and a few of my gay friends as well. He thought it was a great idea until he got feedback from his family. They never heard of anything like that and they think it's stupid. So they want a hen party, which I detest!!! He says maybe we can have 2 showers so everybody's happy. I thought we were the ones getting married. I'm running out of patience with this whole process."

 Tjgirl

Kat’s advice: Leave his lame family! Girl, do you know the awesome wedding gifts you’re gonna get from your gay friends??!!!!

"I am dating a really great looking guy, but he's so into his looks. Before we go out he's always asking me how his hair looks, if I like what he's wearing, etc. If he wanted to impress me, I think he would do all this before he saw me, not be looking for my opinion the moment he sees me. It makes me think that he just wants me to help him look good when he goes out just for his own ego. Am I reading too much into this?"

Funnyface

Kat’s advice: In the words of Harry Belafonte: ‘If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.’ In the words of my Granny Smith: ‘Never trust a man who's prettier than you!!!!’

"I just found out the guy I've been dating has profiles on all the dating sites. He's left behind a trail of women when a new one responds to his profile and he decides to see if he's missing out on a better deal. I know this because I confronted him when he received calls from old girlfriends while I was there. He says he's done with all that since he's met me, but I don't believe he can change so easily (plus I don't see his online accounts being deactivated). Can a guy like this really change?"

Greeneyes

Kat’s advice: OMG!!! I think this is the same guy who left me hanging on Saturday!!!!! Whatever! I gotta go download the new edition of Sims Apartment Life!

      It’s 12:03am. I just got home from a late night at work. I’m listening to ABBA and I’m stressin’!!!

      I have a date tomorrow night with a new guy. We met through an online dating service and this is the first time we are meeting in person.

      The reason I’m panicked? I don’t have a thing to wear!!!

       I went off and left my two favorite tops in a closet at Lake Okoboji. And I’m feeling like a cow after my vacation. Three square meals of the finest fried food in Iowa will do that to you! That devious, lying, vile contraption in my bathroom tells me I lost two pounds on my trip. But I know better! My muffin top feels like a king sized loaf pouring over the top of my jeans. I tried to stick to my diet during my vacation – but it’s really not my fault that Iowa is home to my favorite foods! I’m sure the Cracker Barrel Hashbrown Casserole & Chicken Dumplings, the Cherry Limeade & Tater-tots from Sonic, and that awesome 22oz Ribeye & unlimited Garlic Texas Toast at Iowa Beef had no effect on my waistline!

      I can’t seem to get to sleep right now. I keep running over my pre-date "To Do List" in my head:

Wake up early – should be a good trick to pull off considering it's already well after midnight!

Get my nails and toes done – they are looking extra straggly.

Pluck the hairy caterpillars growing above my eyes.

A quick dose of tooth whitener.

Find something to wear!!!! Do I go for the ‘knock his socks off and leave him speechless’ look or ‘proper, classy girl next door’? That first impression is always a crap-shoot!

Flats or heels? The heels are sexier... but they also make me nearly 6 foot 3! Great if you’re a volleyball gold medalist – not so great if you’re meeting a man who may be shorter than you.

Do a get my hair done? Or muddle through myself?

I should also get my car washed. Wouldn’t want him to see my car pull up to the restaurant and think I’m a slob. It’s true, I am a slob, but I don’t want him knowing that!

      Do guys know what we go through just to impress them? Do they even notice or care?

      Normally when I meet guys on this dating site my attitude is ‘Here I am. This is me. Take it or leave it.’ But for some reason I’m really nervous about meeting this guy. I’m feeling self-conscious and worried whether or not he will like me. What the heck is that about???!!!

      I’ll let you know how it turns out...

      Hey folks...  I'm Back!   Just returned from vacation in Iowa!   Most people vacation in Aruba... Hawaii... Europe... I go to Iowa!

     I had a great time and found out an important thing about myself: 

 I can't flirt!!!!

     Nope.  Can't do it.  I'm horrible at it.  When I try to flirt, I end up sounding like a fool at best.. and at worst, I come off like a stalker!  

     I was visiting one of my best friends. We spent the weekend at Lake Okoboji, Iowa.  It's a beautiful lake with lots of good-lookin', strappin' Iowa men!  The trouble with Iowa is most of those men come with a wedding ring already attached!  I did meet a farmer boy --without a ring-- in the Lake Okoboji "Kum and Go" mini-mart.  (Yep! That's really the name of the mini-mart chain!)    When I asked where folks go for fun on a Friday night - I was told to check out a bar in the Arnolds Park area.  Then he went back to telling his buddy all about the new pick-up truck he just bought!

      Strike One in the flirting game!  

       After graduating from the University of Okoboji (if you've been there you will get the joke) -- I caught my flight back home.  As I approached gate B-18 to catch my connection at Phoenix's Sky Harbor Airport.. a man in a uniform met me and scanned my ticket.  

       "Oops! We're all out of seats!" he said.  "My pilot powers aren't important enough to check you in."  I laughed at his little joke.

       DID HE SAY PILOT????  HELLO!!!  Oh, wait just one minute!  I think he's flirting!  But of course I'm too dense to catch it off the bat!   So I try my best recovery: "Oh, I'm sure you're the most important person here."  LAME COMEBACK!!!   My best swing at flirting and it goes foul! 

      We fly through some very stormy weather and land in Burbank.  Who is there to greet me as I get off the plane?  The same cute pilot!   "That was a fun flight," he said about the turbulence.  

       Here it is-- my chance to redeem myself! 

       I respond: "Oh yes it was!  Nice job!"   UGH!!! THAT'S THE BEST I COULD COME UP WITH??!!!   I know.. I'll chat with him a bit more and find a way to give him my phone number.   But that little plan was blocked by the passengers behind me who wanted off the plane and protective gaze of the matronly flight attendant standing next to him!  Earlier in the flight she was a very kind woman.. but the uncomfortable glare she shot me told me she wasn't letting anyone get to her boy!

      Strike Two!  

      But this wasn't for lack of trying.  It was a lack of follow-thru on my part.   What I need is to meet this guy without his watchdog standing by.   So if anyone knows who that pilot was on US Airways Flight 2761 leaving Phoenix at 4:53pm on Sunday, August 25 bound for Burbank... please let me know!

      PS- I'm also looking for a good flirting coach!