Controller John Chiang is officially releasing tax refunds.
Every time I glance at my checking account,
I secretly pray I’ve been recruited for some crazy reconnaissance mission and
will find that my balance has grown a few extra zeros overnight (think
Shia LeBeouf in “Eagle Eye” or Joshua Jackson in "The Skulls"). It may sound crazy, but
given the current economic climate, the chances of someone pouring Miracle-Gro on my limited funds are probably stronger than the odds of this recession coming to an end in the near future. My bizarre spy delusions have been exacerbated by a series (and I
mean A LOT) of costly events, including my cat being diagnosed with a vicious
form of breast cancer, for which she is now undergoing expensive – yet very
effective – treatment. It seems that everywhere I turn, I owe more than twice
as much money as I usually do, which has only made my imagination run wild
with ideas about how to pay for everything. I mean, how fun would it be to play James Bond for a day and acquire funds
that could not only pay your bills, but be used to bless all of the people out
there who REALLY need help? Nothing would make me happier. In times like these, it goes without saying that we all majorly need some zeros added to our account balances.
All of this brings me back to my favorite high school Bible
teacher, Mr. Kellner. You see, he was an amazing man of faith who would pray
for a pair of shoes and the next thing you know, he’d find some on his front porch. Keeping in mind that God can do anything (key word: “can," not “will”),
I’ve even gotten excited to check the mailbox in hopes of an unexpected check
arriving, although I usually just end up waving awkwardly at the neighbors
while toting an armful of bills and junk mail back to the house.
That is, until today. Upon checking my account this
morning, I learned that a little friend named FRANCHISE TAX BD DES: TAX-REFUND
ID: XXXXXXXXXX finally came to visit. Mr. Kellner was right, California! God can perform miracles, perhaps most recently
exhibited by the issuing of state tax refunds. After the budget fiasco, I
certainly wasn’t counting on this money actually showing up in the form of
anything other than an IOU this year. It may not be the multiple zeros I was
hoping for, but at least it will pay most of my property tax bill next month. When
the government finally decides it needs an online journalist for its next
mission, we can move on to the cat bills. This is a big enough miracle for
today.
